who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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