Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Mom said you looked used
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
