so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
