Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
