What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
