Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
