i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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