Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
