I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
