Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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