Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
