Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
