If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
