next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
