??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
