today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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