Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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