I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
