Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
