bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
