who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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