a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
