We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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