I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
