i need an iv and a liver transplant
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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