Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
