So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
