Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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