You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
