That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
