respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
