her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
