How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
