I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
