You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
