New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
