cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Randomize
