I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
