I seem to have left my pride at pride
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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