even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
