Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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