Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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