fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
