I look better un-naked...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
