Buhtt sex?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
