Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
