He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
