Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
