Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
