There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
