I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
it's great music for shaving your balls
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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