You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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