i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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