you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
