some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
