Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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